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The Teacher
The teacher who didn’t know anything taught high school math. Whenever a student asked him a question about another subject, he said “I don’t know” and he didn’t. He taught high school math because the answers were in the teachers edition.
He didn’t know the names of the other teachers, the name of the school he taught at, and certainly not the names of any of his students. He called the other teachers “Sir” or “Madam,” the school was “work,” and the students “boys and girls;” collectively, or “young man/lady” individually.
He only ate microwave food because microwave food comes with clear instructions on the package.
When he gets home, he eats his microwaved meal in front of the tv. He watches a channel that doesn’t quite come in.
He sleeps under his mattress, on top of his blankets, while dressed in a coat and shoes.
He named his plant “fluffy” and his cat “slimy. His cat has to eat microwaved food too.
He doesn’t know how to flush his toilet, but his cat, in a rare feline venture into cleanliness, figured it out and flushes it for the man.
When he grades papers, he uses two hand drawings of a chicken and an alligator. Nobody understands what either means.
Whenever he leaves a building he leaves through the fire exit. Somewhere in his dim mind he has associated alarms with the building he just left saying “farewell” to him.
He brushes his hair with a toothbrush, and his teeth with a hairbrush.
He does his dishes in the bathtub, and uses the spray attachment on the sink to bathe.
However, he does play the guitar, but the guitar does not have strings.
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